When the Morning Comes

Sometimes, the nights that are supposed to be refreshing, relaxing, renewing.....aren't.  Sometimes, when the morning comes, it feels too early, too soon, too dark.  Any number of reasons can be the cause.  Too many worries.  Feeling sick.  Someone waking you up.  I totally remember the days of small children.  Bad news.  It can also be staying up late for something fun.  Whatever the cause, sometimes I'm just not ready for morning.  It's like that emotionally too, not just physically.  Sometimes the new day comes too soon.  With more things to face.  With more questions to answer.  With more hurts to heal.  Even more good to do....but it's like it came before I was ready.  Before I had a chance to spiritually and emotionally get on my gear.  I find myself frail.  Tender.  Blinking at the lights that I turn on. 
Yes, I am the bringer of light in my family.  And heat.  I arise earliest and do those things.  Always have needed to.  I have missed very few days.  Even when I'm sick.  Or tired.  Or wanting to rest.  Because they are mine.  Because they matter.  It is my privilege to serve in those simple ways.  Kind of funny though.  I was the late night student.  The one who would stay up way too late and had a hard time in the mornings.  But, I adjusted.  I have learned that I have to be prepared when the morning comes.  There is no putting it off.  New days come and we can't hold them back.  Hiding my head under a pillow or being sick or feeling exhausted doesn't keep the day from coming.
I have to put on my "armor" and face the day.  And, when the armor is too heavy and I am too weak, I have to let my Knight simply cover me over with His shield.  And I need to hunker down there until I can arise and dress in armor. 
But there are those who expect me to be ready every day.  To have my "A" game.  To be on top of things.  I'm learning that the expectation is not kind.  It harms me.  For many years I pushed through no matter what.  It's ok for some things.  For some times. 
But, I am learning that I was made for work........and rest.  That it is how I was created.  And to deny needing real, refreshing, rejuvenating rest is to deny what God says about me.
So today, when the morning came and I realized that I had had a rough night feeling sick, I didn't beat myself up.  I went slowly.  But, I did go.  Because though the rest wasn't great, it was enough to let me get up and make it through time with my kids.  I love seeing them off to school and if I can possibly do it, I'm there.  Not because they expect it.  Not because it's an obligation.  Because it is precious moments with them.  Time on the way to school.  Silly?  Perhaps.  Important?  Immensely. 
But, I don't think that I can haul on my armor today.  And, cinching up the belt might hurt my tummy.  But, God provides friends to provide cover when we are ill and wounded.  Like in the movies where they lift their shields over their heads and make a shelter.  I'm just going to rest in that shelter today.  And be content.  Even though I am not strong.  I'm not going to bully myself.
That's progress.
Grace to you.