Blessed

You know, my life has never been easy. As hard as it is now, at least I am a grown up.  That's easier than living a crappy life when you are a child and you don't have any choice.
But, as hard as life has been...as twisty  turny and troubled.....I feel.......blessed.  I feel like no matter the journey, there has always been a Father who really does love me.  I haven't always known how to receive His love.  Haven't always understood it, but I have always sensed it in the deepest part of my being.  I have always known the He is not only there, but that He cares.  And hears.  And speaks.  And works things out.  No matter how complicated.  Or painful.  And no, it doesn't always look like I or others might think that it should. 
I am on a journey with Him.  Learning that there is nothing that surprises Him.  Nothing that scares Him.  Nothing that will make Him love me less.  Nothing that will make Him love me more.  I am learning that any amount of love or commitment that I think I have doesn't even begin to compare to his great compassion, unending love and grace.  And to think...it's for me.....and it never runs out.  He never gets tired of me. 
I got sidetracked in life.  I married into legalism.  A kind that began to steal away all of my joy.  It eroded peace.  It took away comfort.  And, in the end, it nearly stole Life.  No, I wasn't killing myself, but I wasn't honoring the Life that I was given to enjoy and live ABUNDANTLY.  I thought I had no choice.  I thought that I had to drag my feet in the dirt and live that life.  Guess what?  I don't.  God wants me to find joy in Him.  In His delighting in me.  And though it's a long journey back, I plan to do so.  Gleefully.  Playfully.  Life wasn't given to worry every day.  It wasn't given to cause us to be knocked down.  No, we are to be the OVERCOMERS.  We are to be among those who can stand.  He is the lifter of our heads.  I am changing.  Remembering.  It's not easy.  So easy to be sucked into the lie that if I..............then God will............How absurd to think that anything I can do will manipulate God into liking me better.  Now, I do know that He hears our prayers when we align with Him.  I do know that He can say yes or no or wait.  No problem.  I trust Him. 
I am blessed.  Not because I do everything right.  Because He did.  Not because I love Him.  Because He loves me.  While I was yet a sinner, Christ loved me and gave His life for me.  And that is enough.  Because I certainly am not.  But, in Him....I am! 
grace to you.