Christian Marriage

"The views expressed in this blog are not the views of the church at large.  Or at small, as a matter of fact.  These views are simply observations of a person who watches human beings with fascination and wonder."
I longed for a christian marriage for as many years as I can remember.  A man to pray with.  To lead our children in devotions and learning of scripture.  I prayed and waited to bond with that one man that would be a Godly husband and father.  Who would be an earthly example of how God loves the church.  I longed for the christian music and the Christmas story.  For wise counsel and fairness.  I knew what it could look like.  And, I was willing to do my part.  To put aside self and embrace family.
I think that the problem with the idea of christian marriage is that the church has taught so firmly about the evils of divorce that christian couples assume that it can't possibly happen.  And, this has not been a good thing.  As a matter of fact, I know a number of non-christian marriages that are much healthier than their christian counterparts because both parties realize that the marriage depends on what they do and how they do it.  Not so in christian marriages.  It's as if everyone thinks that once you are married you are stuck so anything goes.  If you marry a lousy, good for nothing, you should suck it up and make it work.  If he married you and you are a real jerk, too bad for him.  Short term, this might fly, but long term...well, let me put it this way....none of us are Jesus....and only Jesus could give His life to cover the sin.  We can't.  We are incapable.  And by denying the possibility of a relationship falling apart, we doom it.  Just like we doom our flat tummies when we deny the possibility of our metabolism changing as we age.  I can attest to the fact.....it happens.  Though I didn't think it would to me.  My tummy, I mean.  Christian marriages would be well served to realize that they are about more than being committed to the piece of paper that got filed with the court.  They are about so much more.  And I wanted that.  But I don't anymore.  I don't trust him anymore.  And it took a long time for that to happen, and a much longer time for me to admit it.  I know that he doesn't want that kind of marriage.  He just wants to be sure that I'll be there tomorrow for saving face and for comfort.  It's not enough.  Though I am a christian.  Though I'm not just out for myself.  I am simply done devoting my life to a sham.  To someone who acts the part but never has learned to savor the beauty of what can be.  I was worth that.  I keep trying to believe that part.  I was.  And he took away that basic dignity.  That very foundation.
Today I was thinking again of our premarital "counseling".  We took a test. It was evaluated.  We could not have been more opposite.  In every single field.  There was no common ground....except that we would talk it through  But that turned out to be a lie.  Talking to him was never an option because everything has always been about him...if I'm sad, if I'm happy, if I'm worried....it doesn't matter, it ALWAYS ends up about him and what he needs and how he feels and what he wants and how dare I.....Funny how right the test was.  There is no common ground. 
Christian marriages would be wise to begin knowing that life and love are fragile.  Short.  Should be cherished.  Treasured.  That.....they can end.  Even if the people keep the paperwork intact.  Christians of all people should tell the truth.  Don't you think?  But why do they seem to be the ones living the biggest relational lies?  Non-christians say when their marriages are struggling.  When the spouse is a jerk.  And the truth....well, the truth frees.  But christians stay all bound up and struggling with no way out.  Safe in their silence...until that very silence suffocates the life out of them.  Sad for a people who could be carrying the word of Life to others to so totally miss it in the reality of their own lives. 
I wanted it.  I failed.  I trusted someone to think as much of me as I thought of him.  Turns out I was doubly wrong.....
grace to you.