Covered

Finally, the temperature is dropping.  And last night, it was nearly cold.  And, I've been sleeping on top of my down comforter for the summer. Using a sheet and sometimes a holey quilt to cover up with.  Well, all night long it was difficult to keep all of me warm.  Either the top was warm.  Or the feet.  So, I finally curled up, but after awhile, the hips hurt so badly from not being able to stretch out.  Seriously chilled.  Until I got up at about six and went under the comforter.  All of me. Toes to noggin.  It was loverly.  Covered.  Warm. Comfortable.  Ready to finally sleep.
Except my husband got up and began what my daughter calls his Saturday banging.  He makes more noise than all of us make together when getting out of the house on a weekday morning.  It's a way to bother.  No consideration.  We should be up and being productive.  No wonder I like when he's gone.  I like to stay up late....or go to sleep early and wake up in the late night and work and then wake up early and write some more...and, I like the ability to go back to sleep.  To snuggle down knowing that I can.  But, I can't.  Not in this marriage.  The only time he would let me stay in bed was for sex.  All about him.  I had to fight if I ever just wanted to sleep.  What's funny is that I like mornings too.  I am kind of odd.  It's middle of the day that I like to have a catch up snooze time.  It's not a working day schedule, but it works for me when I'm off.  But, again. not with him.  I'm a big girl.  And still I'm not allowed to simply be left to do the most basic things as I chose.  It's.....crazy.  Pure and simple.  Nuts. 
But, just like in my covers this morning....I am covered.  By His wings.  Sheltered...in His strong tower.  Warm.  Fed.  Nourished.  Comforted.  And though I desperately want the circumstances in which I live to be different...they are not.  But they do not change the deeper reality.  God has not forgotten me.  He has plans for me.  He knows my name.  The hairs on my head.  The thoughts held therein.  The dreams in my heart.  And....He is not ashamed of me.  And He knows EVERYTHING.  I revel in that.  Roll around in the glory of His grace to me.  Like Scrooge McDuck in his money in the old cartoons.  Sifting it through my hands, looking at it from every angle, snuggling down into it....sighing with contentment. 
And yet, here I still am.  Being bargained with day after day.  Today, he went to help a friend of his.  He quickly said he could...hey that's more than anyone in this house gets.  And then he proceeded to tell me if I wasn't doing anything important I should take the cars in for oil changes etc.  I almost always take them in.  He will help someone who really needs it.  That is why I asked him.  And why I made the arrangements.  Someone who was his friend and he has put off seeing for years.  Bothers me.  But, though I didn't want to ask him to help.  Though I wanted  him to just be himself....I wanted something for someone else.  And, he is a good worker.  Because works are where it's at. 
While I wish I was covered still by my blankie.  Sleeping soundly.....it will suffice to be covered in the banner of love which follows me always.  And I will rejoice.  Through my tears.  Through my hurt.  I say it again....REJOICE!!!
grace to you.